I didn't go to college, and I don't regret it in the way you'd expect. I'm not sitting here wishing I had gotten some education I missed out on. I know I'm smart, not think, know. I've proven it to myself over and over by showing up and working hard for years. If anything, I think college would have made me worse.
But there's one thing I do regret missing: the social code.
The Group Chat Revelation
During COVID, I found out something that completely blew my mind. My friend group of about 20 people had smaller groups within it, which I knew, but even within those smaller groups, there were even smaller ones. And different ones. And group chats I didn't know about.
I was shocked. I genuinely thought friendship was more straightforward than that. I thought if you were friends with someone, you were just... friends. I didn't realize there were all these layers and subgroups happening that everyone else seemed to just know about. Like there was some handbook on social dynamics that got passed out in dorms that I never received.
For years, I didn't understand that people made private group chats within larger friend groups. I thought we were all just hanging out together. Turns out there's this whole invisible architecture of relationships that most people learn to navigate in college: the networking, the connecting, the understanding of social hierarchies and microgroups.
I was busy working while everyone else was figuring this stuff out.
Work Friends vs. Real Friends
This played out weirdly in my career too. For the longest time, my coworkers were honestly my friends. I'd invite them out, get close with a few, treat work relationships like any other friendship. It felt natural.
Now, in my corporate life, that's not really a thing anymore. I've learned to be more cautious about blending work and personal life, but not for the reasons most people do. It's not because I learned healthy boundaries in college, it's because I had to figure out the hard way that there are strategic considerations I was completely blind to.
Everyone else seemed to understand instinctively that there's a difference between work friends and real friends. They learned to network without getting too attached, to be friendly without being vulnerable. Meanwhile, I was treating every workplace like a genuine community.
The shift from "coworkers as friends" to "strategic boundaries" has been weird to navigate as an adult. Most people figure this out at 20. I'm still learning it.
The Invisible Degree Tax
But the social stuff isn't even the biggest barrier. The real issue is economic, and it's not what you think.
I cracked the code on why jobs are so "hard" to get. It's not really about qualifications, it's about protecting investments. Everyone else paid $60k for their degree. Why would they let someone who didn't pay anything get the same job with the same pay when they probably have $100k+ of debt to justify?
There's this invisible degree tax where I'll always face boundaries that others don't, simply because I don't have that piece of paper. It's not about what I know or what I can do. It's about people protecting the value of their investment.
Thankfully, experience has gotten me through doors. But only because I try hard with everything I do and actually apply myself. I had to work twice as hard to prove I belonged in rooms where others got the benefit of the doubt just for showing up with a diploma.
The Question Marks
Even now, when I've "made it," there are still question marks everywhere. Who knows what the people around me are paid? What opportunities exist that I don't even know to look for? What networks am I not part of because I missed out on that four year social training ground?
I don't regret skipping college, I genuinely think I would have turned out worse if I'd gone. But I do regret missing out on learning the social code that everyone else seems to just know. The invisible rules of how people actually connect and function together.
I'm smart enough to have figured out most of corporate America. But I'm still catching up on the basic social dynamics that most people learned at 19.
